The subject of kissing, or actually the lack of it, has come up recently in conversations at parties. People were bemoaning not only the lack of kissing, but the increase in bad kissers in the past few years. This sent me on a journey to get comments from other people as to whether they had noticed anything, and the responses were interesting.
Marah Fellicce of Red Bank, New Jersey, said that she, too, has noticed “the world of kissing has significantly diminished. Kissing can be a wonderful and intimate experience, one that can in some cases, rival the main event.” She says there is “an over sensualizing of the experience between any two people, and a built in desire to hurry up, but what can you expect in an age of instant popcorn?” Franklin Riga, who emphasized the fact that he was a straight male, agrees: “I think that perhaps kissing is becoming a lost art.”
Romance novelist, Kathy Newburn says that kissing is, “totally sensory-all five, in fact. You will feel each other, hear, smell, see and taste each other, all factors that build desire and pleasure. So linger and enjoy, and ultimately practice mastering the art of the kiss.”
The author of “Kissing and Cooking for Couples,” Kim Reutzel, says she believes “kissing is a way to stay and get connected in more ways then one. The touch allows the physical juices to flow creating a soul connecting experience that can rekindle the fires within.”
What Beverly Hills psychiatrist, relationship expert and author of the best selling book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them,” Dr. Carol Leiberman, has to say about the recent drop in kissing explains a lot. “The decline in kissing is in part due to our ever-growing ‘to-do’ lists and ever-diminishing time.” She goes on to explain how kissing is actual “the most intimate part of a sexual encounter, since the true feelings of each partner are communicated to the other during this act. People can fake feelings during other aspects of sex, relying upon lust for erections or even orgasms. But they can’t fake what they really feel towards their partner during a kiss. Men and women have become increasingly afraid of intimacy. They don’t want to reveal their true feelings through a kiss because they are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt.”
Mary Jo Fay, author of several books on relationships, echoes the thought: “People ARE jumping to sex so fast that they are missing the amazing intimacy, anticipation, and heightened awareness that spending more time on kissing and not rushing the sex part can provide.”
“For starters, it’s very intimate and binds you in a way 918kiss that sex does (you are exchanging body fluids if nothing else),” explains Alison Blackman, publisher and writer for AdviceSisters Publications. “Perhaps that is why prostitutes don’t care to kiss, either. A romantic kiss can mean anything from ‘I like you’ to ‘I adore you’ to ‘I just want hot sex and then I want to forget you.’ It’s an emotionally charged activity. And I think we spend so much time in front of our computer screens that physical connections of all types have diminished. Not a good thing, but a sign of our times.”
But it’s not just the lack of kissing. The other part of the problem is bad kissing. One woman who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings said, “I have been married almost eight years and since the first month have hated kissing him. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and just wiggles it around like a worm having spasms.”